Of Faith and Reason

Humans appear to be hard-wired to seek truth through reason and to seek truth through faith.  We have a dilemma.  We have a dichotomy.  We are at risk of a short circuit.  I am now the product of such a short circuit.  Not before 2015, but since March of 2015 two wires in my brain that should never have touched did so.  A short circuit.  I applied reason to faith and fried my brain. 

My Dad was a preacher and I grew up in the church, that is, the Presbyterian version of Christianity.  I was “born again” in 7^th grade at a Billy Graham promo in the Houston Astrodome.  I attended church camp.  I actually became the director of a church camp.  I have been a church trustee, taught Sunday school, sang in the choir, assisted in communion and never missed a Sunday.  I prayed.  I believed.  I had faith.  Unquestioned, unchallenged faith.  The Trinity, the virgin birth, the resurrection, yadda, yadda, yadda.  I was seen as a man of faith.

On March 24, 2015, Germanwings flight 9525 took off from Barcelona at 10:00 p.m. bound for Germany.  150 people, passengers and crew, were aboard.  Men, women, children, infants, students, and teachers.  At 10:27 p.m. the Airbus reached cruising altitude of 38,000 feet and the pilot left the cockpit to go to the bathroom.  The co-pilot sealed the cockpit.  After 9/11 that meant it would be virtually impossible to breach the door.  The co-pilot altered the autopilot so that the plane sought sea level at full speed.  It would take 10 minutes for the plane heading straight down to crash in the French Alps.  Despite pleading with the co-pilot and efforts to breach the door, everyone on board knew what was happening and what the result would be.  They would all die.  In 10 minutes.  The plane disintegrated on impact, the largest piece of wreckage was the size of a small car.  Everyone died.  And I had a short circuit.

I can only imagine what happened during those 10 minutes on that plane.  I am confident, however, that there were fervent, impassioned prayers beseeching God to save the passengers and crew.  God did nothing.  The plane crashed.  All died.  What the hell?

So, from a deity who could create the universe, part seas, flood the entire planet, raise folks from the dead, turn water into wine, heal the sick, walk on water, etc., etc. it was simply too much to ask that this God unlock the cockpit door?  My mind reeled.  My stock answer in such situations had always been it was God’s plan, we are not to question, and there was a purpose we did not know.  It occurred to me that this belief was likely totally BS and was imply a strategy to forgive God.  How could the death of these 150 people advance a love in God or other humans?  It made no sense.  Reason had no answer.  How could I attribute such horror to a plan I had not seen, not read, was not available to me, but a plan I must believe to let a god off the hook for tragedy?  If God had the ability to save those people and did not then God was clearly guilty of negligent homicide.

My short circuit got worse.  I read the Bible.  Not the chapter and verses selected for me in sermons and Sunday school, but I read it as a book much as I had read Locke, Descartes, Plato, etc.  And my faith faltered even more.  Most of what I read was either Bronze Age philosophy or simply not true.  The book is riddled with inconsistencies and falsehoods.  This was no divinely inspired holy book, this was more human bull.  Totally discouraged I turned to Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens, and Richard Dawkins.  Wow.  These folks made great sense.  They applied reason to faith and reason won.  Every time.  They had survived the short circuit.

As I continued to apply reason to faith several truths became more and more clear.  Faith exists prior to a real factual answer.  People of faith, faith in whatever, do not want to discuss their faith in the light of reason.  People want to enjoy the fruits of reason and science while simultaneously having faith that denies reason and science.  In other words, most people are afraid of the short circuit when the power of reason touches the tenets of belief.

I could no longer attend church.  I could not repeat the Apostles Creed.  I could not participate in the sacraments, especially communion which now seemed like a cannibalistic exercise.  (This is my body, this is my blood?  Yuck.)  I could no longer believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus.  Either Jesus committed suicide or God killed his son.  And was anyone ever in heaven before Jesus?  If so, why let Jesus die?

More troubling is there is no evidence Jesus ever existed.  There was no Roman Census the year he was supposedly born.  Herod died 6 years before Jesus was born.  And on and on.  The Bible was not codified until 400 years after Jesus' death and we do not have any of the original scrolls.  They are all copies of copies, each iteration slightly different. 

There is more, much more.  I now know I do not believe.  My faith vanished, slowly and painfully, in the full light of reason.  I am a recovering Christian.  A survivor of the deep burn that comes with the short circuit when reason touches faith.  For many, that deep burn is too risky.  I see it now in politics and religion.  I do believe that our survival, our future on this planet will only happen via reason.  Faith won’t get us there, beliefs won’t get us there.  What happens to religious beliefs when we become extinct?

And the short circuit still burns.  Hot.  Especially this time of year. 

Happy Holidays.