Prayer for the Inevitable

I suppose one way to demonstrate that prayer works is to pray for the inevitable, and then when it happens say, “See.  God answers prayers.”

In addition to a broken arm I learned that my Mom has stage 4 pancreatic cancer and more cancer in her lungs and liver.  So, shall I pray and ask God to simply remove all the cancers, restore her broken arm, and reduce her age from 89 to 69?  Nope.  No point in such prayers.  Those prayers would be asking God for a miracle, a biological miracle.  Seems God is only willing to do that when it serves his/her interests as in suspending the laws of biology so that a virgin got pregnant and marketing Jesus’s powers.  Mom will die, and will die soon.  Prayers others have offered in her behalf have been that “she passes without pain” and support for the family in our grief.

We will grieve.  No way around that.  The process has begun.  What would support for us in grief look like?  The end of grief?  No, that somehow discounts our love for Mom.  Less grief?  How does one measure level of grief?  If I bear the grief and life goes on is that the work of God or is that the fact that I know grief, I know it is coming, I will find things to celebrate about her life in her death.  That is my doing, not God’s.

And comfort her in her death?  If God did that why would we need Hospice?  Why would we need powerful pain killing drugs?  No, God is not going to comfort her in her death.  Modern medicine and Medicare funded support services will do that.  She will not suffer because we will make sure she has the right drugs, not the right God.

So, if Mom is going to die, she is going to die painlessly, our family will grieve as we need to, what in the world shall we pray to God for?  All these things are inevitable.  Prayer for the inevitable is a total waste of time and mockery of belief.  Prayer for a miracle is pointless as those do not really happen.  If they did, everyone would believe. 

I know.  God has a plan we are not privy to.  Part of the plan is very clear:  everyone dies.  What a great plan!  Wish I had come up with that.  So, I guess cancer is part of God’s plan too, just like car wrecks, handgun deaths, heart attacks, strokes, war, plagues, etc.  All those things are necessary if the plan is to create a life form that must die.  So, why create life that will end?  If there is a God he/she clearly does not operate in the realm of logic and reason which evidently he/she endowed us to have.  Makes so much sense.

Thanks for your prayers.

Missing Church

I did not go to church Sunday, the first day of the New Year.  I simply could not go.  I could not stand and recite a creed I no longer believe.  I could not participate in a sacrament that grows ever more ludicrous and barbarian to me.  I could not hear one more sermon based on a book of fantasies.  I just couldn’t in good conscience go to church.

And yet, I am sad.  I miss being there.  It is the people I miss.  The men and women and boys and girls whom I only see on Sundays.  They are good, likeable people, though I believe they talk to imaginary friends and live in never-never land.  I miss the music.  I love Christmas carols even if the Christmas story has become a fairy tale to me.  I miss singing in the choir.  I miss my friends.  And in many ways I miss the routine, the liturgy.  I love to sing the Doxology, I just do not believe the words anymore.  I love to sing the Gloria Patria but do not believe the words anymore.  When I go, I go to sing.

And singing what I do not believe is not a problem for me.  I sing,” Up on the Housetop” and “Here Comes Santa Clause” and “I am a Rock, I am an Island”, etc., etc.  It is the music, not the belief system that I endorse.  If I could only sing music that fits with my belief system I would have to sacrifice most of Bach and Beethoven and Wesley choral music.  I would have to sacrifice Christmas carols.  I would have to sacrifice most patriotic music.  I would have to sacrifice many tunes from Broadway musicals.  On and on.  I believe it is OK to sing songs with fantasy lyrics or lyrics that are based on a false belief system.  I am not endorsing the belief system, I am singing the music.

If members of the church knew I had lost my faith would they ask me to leave?  Would they pray for me?  Would they grow hostile?  I am not sure.  Some would be angry.  Some would be scared.  Some would be supportive.  I simply do not know. 

But until I can sing again I will not go.