Sports and Porn

Today is “Wear Your Jersey” day at church.  Members of the congregation are encouraged to wear the colors of their favorite athletic team to church.  Amazing.  Sickening.  And I wonder why I am so aghast and upset about this event.  It strikes me that addiction to sports and addiction to porn are very much alike.  I would be equally aghast and upset if the congregation were invited to church dressed (or undressed) as their favorite porn star.

Sound absurd?  Regardless of your sexual orientation and identity, porn is exciting.  We are hard wired to desire sex.  Observing attractive naked people engaged in sexual acts by definition is exciting.  I think one would have to be dead to be immune to porn.  However, we know that many of the folks in porn are abused and degraded, they are treated like cattle or worse, and many have life-long mental health issues once their porn days are over.  People still want to watch so there will be porn.  But watching too much is equally harmful and we know that porn addicts begin to suffer in their personal lives due to their addiction.  There are links to increased chemical addictions, negative impact on social relationships, negative impact on intimate personal relationships, and risk of job loss and productivity.  So, the observers of porn are at risk and the actors in porn are at risk and the effects can be life-long.

Regardless of your city or state there are 100’s of athletic teams to observe.  Watching sports events can be exciting.  We are likely hard wired to compete so watching competition is thrilling or agonizing depending on whether your team wins or loses.  However, we know that there are life-long effects for athletes, especially in the contact sports.  More and more evidence of permanent brain damage resulting from football and boxing makes it clear that we may be watching very self-destructive behavior.  Even middle-aged people who only played sports in high school still suffer from leg and hip and shoulder injuries.  Playing sports can be harmful to the professional players, and they are bought, sold, traded and released in an abusive and degrading way that is more like slavery or indentured servitude that goes un-discussed because millions of dollars are at play.  But they are treated little differently than porn stars.

How about those who are addicted to sports?  Those who cannot wait for their team to play.  Those who subscribe to all the sports channels so they do not miss a game.  Those who are addicted spectators?  More and more research verifies that fan effects are negative.  Spectator aggression including verbal, gesturing, “missile” throwing, swarming the field, property destruction, and physical assault are documented each year as side effects of intense fandom.  Add to that public intoxication, under-aged drinking, sexual degradation of cheerleaders, littering and traffic congestion and it becomes clear that watching such events not only puts the players at risk, it puts the spectators at risk.  Hostility and aggression escalate during the observance of competitive events.

So it seems to me that porn addiction and sports addiction carry numerous similar harmful side-effects with long-lasting effects on both the participants and the spectators.

And what ever happened to turning the other cheek and doing unto others as you would have them do for you?  Competition somehow does not fit those directives.

I am therefore horrified that a church would promote one or either of these addictions.  I will not be there on Jersey Day.  Maybe on porn star day, but not Jersey Day.

Why Leave Religion

Interesting.  Bottom line is many are leaving.

Obama is God

We are experiencing trying times.  Law enforcement officers are shot on the job.  Horrible, scary events that should never happen.  Unarmed men and women are shot by police.  Horrible, scary events that should never happen.  We see all this as a new problem.  It is not.  We have had separate but unequal races in this country for generations.  More of one race in prison.  More of one race dies via gunshot wounds.  More of one race experiences unemployment.  More of one race in colleges.  More of one race teaching in the classrooms.  More of one race in law enforcement.  We are lopsided.  We can scream all day that these differences are due to the behaviors of one race more than another.  Perhaps.  But we should be screaming that we must stop judging people by skin pigment, hair style, holes poked in their bodies, ink injected under their skin, and the relationship between their belly buttons and the top of their pants.  (I have contended all along that if teenage girls simply laughed at and refused to date any teenage boy who allowed his underwear to show above his belt the fad would disappear quickly.)

The problems are huge, both races have responsibilities.  Both races have tough steps to take to fix it because both races must modify their culture and their beliefs to end the disparity in data that confirms one race is treated differently and/or behaves differently than another.  That will be very hard.  Or so I thought.

Until I listened to my conservative friends.  Perhaps I should say my very conservative friends.  My moderately conservative friends and my liberal friends are not promoting the same message.  Just those folks on the far right.  Only they have seen the light.  And here is what they are saying.

The violence in our country is Obama’s fault.  Shooting police officers is Obama’s fault.  Increased racial tension is Obama’s fault.  Still no affordable universal health insurance is Obama’s fault.  Proliferation of semi-automatic rifles is Obama’s fault.  Probably sexual harassment at Fox News is Obama’s fault.  He caused it all.  He did it.  He is the villain!

If they are right, then Obama is God.  I have been praying to God to stop the violence, but Obama still made it happen.  I have been praying to God to stop senseless shootings of suspects and police, but Obama still made it happen.  Therefore I guess I should agree with my conservative friends that not only is Obama at fault, he is more powerful than we ever imagined.  More powerful than the god I followed.  It is time to worship Obama, pray to Obama, and ask him please to stop all the violence, all the killings.  If he caused it, he can stop it.  I am so surprised that enterprising right wingers have not marched out evidence of Obama’s deity status which should be easier for them to get than his birth certificate, and establish the Church of Obama, tax free. 

Why, now that we know Obama is a god the violence in France must be his fault too!  In fact, violence everywhere must be his doing.  Intolerance of other races everywhere must be his fault too!  Even global warming must be his fault. 

Yes dear conservatives, such a powerful deity merits our awe and respect.  Thank you for enlightening me.

Missed Opportunities

I sat with Mathew and read the Sermon on the Mount.  Amazing.  Over several chapters Jesus outlines what it means to be a Christian.  The Beatitudes are poetic and demonstrative, though I still have a few questions.  How have modern Christians missed the whole turn the other cheek and love your enemy theme?  But that is future fodder.

Despite the wealth of philosophical foundation present in these chapters I cannot help but think that while Jesus talked about the golden rule he missed some golden opportunities to make a few things more clear.  He was, after all, addressing a mostly illiterate crowd probably not steeped in subtle innuendo.  Direct statements could have really helped his followers then and now.  Plus, if he knew all things surely he knew the trials and tribulations to come and could have stopped much of it with a few more beatitudes or in depth explanations.  He did a great job of making it clear that we are to love our enemies and even used tax collectors as an example.  He did a great job of making it clear that the comfort of wealth is bad, that mourning and humility will be rewarded, etc.  (Has Trump read these?)  But there are other areas he seemed to avoid.

How about the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender folks?  Bible is pretty tough on such folks.  He fixed the whole notion of an eye for an eye, so why didn’t he fix the notion of persecuting people for their sexual identity and preference?

How about slavery?  I know, many claim that his message to free the oppressed addresses slavery, but that is pretty obscure for that audience, and even today some do not get it.  He could have simply said slavery is evil, no person should claim ownership of another person, human trafficking will get you sent directly to hell, and use of another human for your own personal wants is wrong.  Nope.  None of that was clear and Christian slave owners were around for eons, even today.

How about theocracy?  Did Jesus support a government grounded and supportive of one religion over another?  What would he have thought about the forthcoming proposed Islamic state?  What would he have thought about the current trend in America to push for a Christian nation under God?  That remains pretty vague.  I personally belief he would have opposed such chicanery and, if so, come right out and said that faith in God is not a governmental function and no people should make it the law of the land.  God is a personal God who created us both in His image as well as endowing us with free will.  If God wanted to mandate belief he could have done it somewhere around Adam and Eve.

How about military spending and individual ownership of firearms?  Man, could we use some holy standards on that today.  I suspect the entire “turn the other cheek” and “love your enemy” means we do not support weaponry and should pursue a path of pacifism.  But that is too big a leap for his audience then as well as his followers today.  When he blessed the peacekeepers wasn’t he really cursing the violence proponents?  We could have used some real clarity here.

There are other areas that are issues today that he could have addressed.  Is it nobler to pursue knowledge of the stars than pursue star wars weaponry?  Should education and science be pre-eminate in our pursuits, or should we simply continue to live as shepherds and carpenters?  When science seems to conflict with previous holy beliefs couldn’t he have said that God created the universe and endowed us with the curiosity to understand his universe.  All efforts toward seeking an understanding of the operation of God’s creation is good.  Scripture was not meant to compete with knowledge.  On and on I could go, but I think you get my drift.

If Jesus was God and was omnipotent and omniscient and knew these issues would cause great pain and turmoil in the years to come, why in the world did he not nip it in the bud?  Sure seems like either a condemnation of his omniscience or an erroneous missed opportunity.

Missed opportunities is the kindest conclusion.

My God Moment

I was in the 7^th grade, sitting in the Astrodome with my friends and peers from church.  We traveled there to hear Billy Graham.  The Dome was full of the faithful, the curious, the saved and the sinners.  I could smell popcorn and beer though the concessions stands were closed and the confession stands were open. There were many musical performances prior to the main event, warming up the crowd.  Graham finally emerged and the crowd went wild.  I was curious.  As he spoke in his distinct drawl about God loving even me, forgiving even me, I felt a warmth I had not felt before.  It was a glow, a sense of being worthwhile.  I knew I was a sinner.  My sins were easy for me to list and worry about.  I did not know it at the time, but I was depressed.  I felt worthless.  I felt unloved.  I felt incomplete.  All my teenage urges were overpowering and “sinful.”  The message that there was a supreme, supernatural being that loved me anyway was incredibly powerful.  I was so ready to hear such a sermon.  I was so needy of love. 

When Billy asked those who felt the spirit moving to stand, I stood.  Tears rolled down my cheeks.  He asked us to make our way from wherever we were sitting to the floor of the Dome.  I left my group, wandered down ramps and emerged on the Astroturf with hundreds of other people.  Many were crying.  Many were smiling and laughing.  A man met me as I stepped on the turf.  He asked me what was going on and I told him I felt the spirit of the Lord, I wanted to let Jesus take my life.  He got my name, address and phone number, and I was dismissed.  I was now on the roster of converts.  I was now on the mailing list.

While others at the microphone continued to urge folks to let Jesus in and come on down, while gospel music blared, I wandered upstream back to my seat.  My peers looked at me either as though I had lost my mind or with a warm smile of approval.  Adult church sponsors came to sit by me and praise my new commitment, my conversion, and my born-againness. 

Life quickly returned to normal.  There was school, church, girlfriends, sports and I detected nothing different.  I prayed fervently.  Nothing happened.  I asked for things but did not get them.  I asked to be relieved of things that remained with me.  I began to feel more and more like the fool.  I kept all this buried deep within.  For the religiously fervent in the church I was now a real member, an insider.  For everyone else I was still just Bob.

So, after my 7^th grade God Moment in the Houston Astrodome at the feet of Billy Graham I have wondered if I am now officially “saved,” once and for always no matter what I do.  That makes no sense to me.  My prayers remained un-answered and un-recognized.  My depression lingers.  I may have been touched by God, but what I really wanted was a life-long embrace.  I remain un-hugged by the supernatural.  The God Moment came and went and life went on as usual. 

It must be my fault.  I hear God does not make mistakes.  

A Model Prayer to God

At some point, fairly recently, I opened my eyes and began to think about the liturgy in church.  I stopped saying prayers and creeds by rote, and started thinking about what I was really saying.  For instance:

The Lord’s Prayer, Mathew 6: 9-13.  I have said this prayer almost every Sunday for as long as I can remember, though I grew up Presbyterian and said “debtors” the shift to the Methodist “trespasses” was not tough.  But as I said the words this past Sunday my brain was in gear.  I had thoughts.  That means I had problems.  Why is this the “Lord’s Prayer?”  Is this the prayer the Lord says?  Is this the prayer Jesus said?  Is this a prayer that should serve as a model for humans to address a God?  If so, shouldn’t it be called “The Model Prayer to God?”

“Our Father.”  Really?  Is God my father?  Is there a DNA or paternity test we can run?  If he is my father, than am I his son?  If so, this whole sacrifice your son to abate our sins gets really complicated for me.  Why didn't Jesus simply say, “God, my father,” or something similar?  As a father I would do anything for my kids.  Why is it that God allows such pain and cruelty among His kids?  Not sure I can call Him Father as I look at war, starvation, childhood cancer, etc.  Or is this simply another reference to God as the creator of all.  If so, God becomes father to ants, mosquitoes, snakes, etc.

“Who art in heaven.”  OK, now I am really stumped.  We do not know where heaven is, but evidently that is where God is.  Is he here on earth too, as in omnipresent?  If so, why say who art in heaven?  Why not simply say “who is everywhere”?

“Hallowed be Thy name.”  OK, so his name is sacred or holy.  Isn’t that a no-brainer?  If I am praying to some deity it seems stupid to pray to one who is not sacred or holy.  And, what’s in a name?  And which name?  There are 102 different names listed in the Bible for God.  Which one, or are all hallowed?  If one has 102 handles, sacred is not the word that comes to mind.  More like an identity crisis, or an IMDb listing for God.

“Your kingdom come.”  Is that what we really want?  The kingdom of God established on this planet?  What would that be like?  What would it be like if we take the Bible literally and deny divorce, stone women who are not virgins on their wedding night, do away with medicine and psychiatry and simply practice faith healing?  Is that what we want? 

“Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”  What is Thy will?  Sounds like the question I have been asking and praying about for years.  What do you want me to do?  If you have a plan for me why do you keep it a secret?  If you have a plan for all of us, why keep it a secret?  Just tell me what you want.  After I am told I will decide whether to pray for that will to be done.  God’s will may be terrible for humanity.  As I see the worldwide bloodshed in the name of some deity I wonder if that is in fact God’s will.  If so, I want no part of it.  If heaven knows and lives God’s will, then surely we deserve a glimpse.

“Give us this day our daily bread.”  As long as we are asking God for stuff, food seems OK.  Why not ask for water?  Why not wealth and health?  Why not a great sex life?  Why not my team winning Super Bowl?  Nope, just bread.  Seems like the prayer prescribed by Jesus is woefully short on the list of things humans need most to thrive.  How do we explain all the people starving on this planet who pray this prayer?

“And forgive us our debts/trespasses.”  If God has influence in personal finance, then His forgiveness of our debts would be great.  I don’t see that happening after years and years of Christian praying.  If the term should be trespass, are we talking boundary violations, rule breaking?  OK, I’d get seeking forgiveness for that, but looks like there are a lot of people in prison who have been praying this prayer and are still in prison. 

“As we forgive our debtors/those who trespass against us.”  The economy would freak and banks would collapse if all humans forgave the debt others owe us.  Would be nice for the debtor, not so much for the lender, but I do not see it happening.  If this means something like someone owes me a favor, then I can see forgiving that.  People who have violated my boundaries, or the boundaries of my loved ones are much tougher to forgive.  If I am to simply forgive debts and trespasses by just announcing that I have done so, why doesn’t God do the same thing?  Why did He have to go through sending his only son to earth to die a terrible death?  If that is the cost of offering forgiveness, then I am not going to pray for that.

“Lead us not into temptation.”  This phrase angers me.  If I were to design and create humans in my image why would I build in temptation?  Is God tempted?  If He doesn’t want me to lust, covet, eat too much, drink too much, and gamble too much, etc., why did He build in the urges in the first place?  Seems terribly unreasonable to construct a being with temptations then tell them not to go there. 

“But deliver us from evil.”  If we pray this second phrase are we relieved of temptation?  I don’t think so.  What evil are we to be delivered from?  The evil of other religions hence all the holy wars?  The evil of physical pleasure which we are hard wired to seek?  Why would God wire us to rush to evil?  These two phrases make no sense to me.  Why not just say help us do good things and avoid doing bad things.

“For Thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory forever.”  Right back where we started.  Where is this kingdom and what is it like?  If He has all this power then why isn’t this prayer answered all the time?  If He answered it all the time, then He would likely receive more glory.  Otherwise, we have a hard time convincing others that our invisible man in the magic kingdom is very powerful and worthy of glory. 

Amen.

Religious Freedom = The Right to Discriminate?

(The topic of this post straddles the line between one-eyed bob and one-eyed bob on god, so I am posting on both sites.)

I am a bigot.  I am sure I am.  I must suffer from prejudice when it comes to religious affiliation or lack thereof, or race, or gender, or sexual preference, or handicapping condition, or ethnicity, or height, or weight, etc.  I cannot image any human who is totally free of prejudice.  That is not what we do.  As humans we look for differences, and we look to find folks who look like us, think like us, believe like us, and act like us.  Multiple birds with multiple feathers all seeking to nest with other birds who possess feathers like our own.  If I prefer a certain feather over some other feather then I must have prejudicial feelings about all those who do not share my favorite feather’s attributes.  Simply said, but very difficult to amend.

I am aware of a few of my prejudicial feelings based on my reaction to folks.  When I see someone with purple hair I do a double-take.  When I see someone covered in tattoos I do a double take.  When I see someone with jewelry displayed from a variety of holes punched in their skin I do a double take.  When I see someone driving slowly in the left lane I do a double take.  When I see an obese person I do a double take.  All those double takes result from my brain identifying differences between my sense of standards for humans and the human I see before me.  I discriminate.  I recognize the differences.  And I tend to judge people based on superficial characteristics.  I hate that I do, but I do.

So, if I am a bigot with tendencies to discriminate should my discriminatory behavior be protected by law under the guise that I should have the right to prejudge people?  For me, the answer is not just “no,” it is hell no.  It is very clear that we do not want the government to tell us what to think and not think, what to believe and not believe.  Our inner belief system must absolutely be protected by law.  But acting on those beliefs is an entirely different question.  If I believe young children should handle poisonous snakes I have the right to believe that.  I do not have the right to ask young children to handle poisonous snakes.  If I believe the US government should be overthrown and a new government be established be it fascist or communist, I have the absolute right to believe such a thing, but the day I take up arms against our government I have crossed over from belief to action on the belief.  Such action will be stopped.

Does that answer change if I claim that the deity I worship discriminates and I am only following what my deity says?  You have got to be kidding me.  As if we need one more example of how religious beliefs are tearing the world apart.  If you believe that Black people are inferior to white people, women are inferior to men, homosexuals are inferior to heterosexuals, Muslims are inferior to Christians, and people who watch either reality TV or the food network are inferior to everyone else then you have the right to believe all of that nonsense.  What you do not have, should not have, is the right to practice such narrow mindedness that results in other humans belittled or denied because of your limited mental capacity.

And so I sit in wonder as North Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Indiana, Michigan and Texas have passed or are attempting to pass “religious freedom” bills that protect groups who discriminate based on their religious beliefs.  Yes, this is the United States.  Land of the free, home of the brave, as long as you are a person like me.

Discrimination is discrimination.  If your god tells you to discriminate then I believe you should seriously consider finding another god.  If you do not want to provide services to people who are different from you then you are a bigot practicing bigotry.  Practicing bigots should never be protected by the law.  Not in this nation.  Clearly in other parts of the world lives are actually lost if one does not believe as the majority believes, but that should never happen here.  An effort to make it OK to discriminate based on your religious beliefs does not increase the freedom of humans in our nation, it dramatically reduces such freedom. 

If we decide to allow private enterprise to discriminate in the name of religious belief does not make such a decision morally right.  It is a source of damnation for such beliefs and their practices.  Religious freedom bills that pervert the notion of freedom of religion are the saddest oxymorons I know.

Judge not.  Discriminate not.

Preacher Perks

Interesting list linked on CNN’s website this morning that identifies the 15 richest preachers in the US.  Amazing.  Here are fifteen Christian multi-millionaires who own mansions, private jets, etc. 

Kenneth Copeland - $760 million

Pat Robertson - $100 million

Benny Hinn - $42 million

Joel Olsteen - $40 million

Creflo Dollar - $27 million

Billy Graham - $25 million

Rick Warren - $25 million

Bishop T.J. Dakes - $18 million

Juanita Bynum - $10 million

Joyce Meyer - $8 million

John Hagee - $5 million

Paula White - $5 million

Bishop Eddie Long - $5 million

Bishop Noel Jones - $5 million

Minister Louis Farrakhan - $3 million

Most got rich from media deals, televangelism, and some on book sales.  But, they all got rich.  All but one are non-denominational mega church types.  All are conservative.  What am I missing here?  Looks like we need to add another career for kids to think about on career day – become a preacher and make a million bucks.  Preach about mansions in heaven, not earth, giving up all and following me, harder for the rich to enter heaven than a camel through an eye of a needle, but make a million bucks.

It does not take long to recognize there are no Catholics on the list.  They take a vow of poverty.  Interesting.  And yet the Vatican is wealthy beyond knowing.  The Baptist Church is not on this list, but they are the single largest land owner in Texas other than the state of Texas.  Of course, owning that land is tax free for those who dunk rather than sprinkle and each of their churches has a built in hot tub.  Nor are there any of the thousands of mainstream Methodist, Presbyterian, Baptist, Lutheran, Episcopalian, etc., preachers or priests on the list who serve in rural settings or major urban areas.  These rich guys are the Christian independents, those who do not belong to a denomination so they can make up their theology as well as their church polices as they go.  The more popular the message, the more they increase sales.

There is an assumption in this nation that those who make a lot of money are “successful” and those who don’t are “failures.”  We are, after all, a secular democracy, despite the efforts of folks like those above to make us a theocracy.  The hypocrisy is overwhelming.  I can make a lot of money because I am a successful preacher in a secular, free enterprise economy, but I argue that the nation really needs to be a Christian nation and follow the values I preach.  Not model.  But preach.

I’m a preacher’s kid.  As I child, I never lived in a house that we owned.  The church always furnished our housing.  We had no choice.  It was part of the deal.  We could not do any DIY projects without approval and even painting required a blessing.  That is one heck of a perk.  No rent or mortgage, no utilities, no insurance, no tax.  The price was no choice.  My dad made enough money to keep food on the table and provide one family vacation a year.  We were not in poverty but we surely were not rich.  Most denominations still provide a house, a parsonage, a manse, a rectory or whatever it is called.  Some ambitious preachers who follow God without question demand that they have choice in their own housing and get a housing allowance rather than a house.  Free enterprise strikes again.  Other perks of being a preacher’s kid was that everyone knew I was a preacher’s kid and lay in wait to see if I was sinful like other children.  School employees and Sunday school teachers could not wait to inform my dad of my shortcomings.  There really were no other perks that I recall.  That has morphed today so that male preachers actually take paternity leave, set their own office hours, etc.  I am beginning to think the Catholics may have all this right to begin with – vows of poverty and chastity.  Can a person who has made no sacrifice inspire others to do so?  If I am a preacher but the gospel pales to my drive to make money and have perks then I have no credibility.

When the pitch from the pulpit is to enrich the preacher I’m out of here.  I see preachers as servants of God, not local leaders deserving alms.  Show me a preacher where the governing lay people of the church are demanding that he or she take more time off because they live at and for the church, and I will be impressed.  School people are like that.  The very best among school people have a tough time ever going home.

It seems to me that expectations are amuck.  I became an educator and knew right up front I would not earn much money.  That was fine with me because I believed I was doing what I was “called” to do.  Happiness, excitement, fulfillment meant so much more than wealth.  Educators in effect take a vow of poverty to enter the profession.  One assumes preachers do as well.  As a superintendent if there were insufficient funds to give teachers pay raises then I would not take a pay raise.  My salary was always the first one frozen.  Why?  I was not in the business to make money.  So perhaps I should have followed in my father’s footsteps and become a millionaire in a mega church totally contrary to my beliefs, but rich.

I knew I could not be a preacher, though at an early time in my life I applied for admission to seminary.  I was accepted, but did not go.  I signed a teacher contract.  That is how it should have been.  I have no doubts about my profession and what is right and wrong.  I still cannot get over some faith questions like, why would God send his only son on a suicide mission?  Because he loves me?  I would never ask for such from anyone, much less a deity.  Nor would I be willing to sacrifice my son for someone else.  I deeply, deeply worry about the underlying ethics of such a deity.  Can it be that I love my son more than he loves his?  Or, does he just not value life much at all?  Etc.

Millionaire preachers do not need perks.  They can purchase whatever they want.  And all millionaire preachers should be listed as entertainers, not preachers; and their churches as venues, not houses of the Lord.  To call them preachers gives evangelism such a dirty name.  Does calling them Christian give free enterprise a dirty name?  At least one area of confusion is now clarified for me:  God does not need money.  Preachers do.

Lies I Heard in Church

I grew up in the church.  I was a preacher’s kid.  If the doors were open, I was there.  Seemed like I was there all day Sunday and all night on Wednesday.  I was often there on Saturday’s too, which I thought of as my sacred day, but was frequently booked for me by church activities.  I know church better than I know the Bible.  I know what American Christians tend to say to each other in challenging times.  And I have learned sadly that a bunch of what I heard from my Christian brethren was a bunch of bunk. 

“God will never put on you more than you can bear.”  Really?  Is that true?  Is that Biblical?  It surely is churchical.  Does it mean if I can stand it no more, if I break, that I am going to hell?  Does it mean that since you have never been there you are closer to God than I am so he can load you up with more than me?  Is this like a dump truck contest?  I do not want to win the prize for carrying the most stuff.

I have been broken.  I have been brought low.  I have fallen to my knees and given up.  I have attempted to take my own life.  God gave me way more than I could handle and it really pissed me off.  There are 44,000+ suicides each year and the 14 million + Americans who experience major depressive disorder each year.  Do not tell the walking dead and the already dead they will not be asked to carry more than they can.  It is a lie.  I know it and Robin Williams knows it is a lie.

“God will not allow you to be tempted more than you can bear.”  Really?  I know this one may be more Biblical than churchical, but, if true, then why tempt us at all if we will always resist.  Well, I know that is not true because I have given in to temptations.  So, was God not with me?  Or is this another lie.  Some of my very favorite memories are from the temptations to which I succumbed.  I’d hate to lose those memories, much worse, I’d hate to not have the opportunity to make new memories.  If we swap guilt for pleasure, what do we have if there is no guilt?

“When it looks like you walk alone God is carrying you.  See the footprints in the sand?”  Really?  Then why are my legs too weak to move?  Why is rest beyond my reach?  Did God drop me?  At those times I was most down I never felt a healing, refreshing, renewing power lift me up.  Perhaps I am going to hell, or perhaps you are closer to God than I am.  But I have called out and all I heard in return were echoes.  This too must be a lie.  I think of all the people who were Christian and who have died in a natural disaster and I wonder if God was carrying them.  If so, let me go and I will just run.

“You can be happy if you just find God’s plan for you.”  OK, is this a memo I missed somewhere?  Is it written down?  Does someone else know and they are playing I’ve got a secret?  What the heck does God’s plan look like?  Is it prescribed by age range?  (Do this until you are 30, do this until you are 50, and then do this until you die.)  I keep looking for a plan, but it appears to me all I really need to do is develop my own plan and share that with God.  I’m tired of waiting.  This must be a lie.

“If I tithe I will be blessed by God.”  Right.  Is this solid investment advice?  Are we talking financial reward from God or what?  I give him 10% of my wealth and he gives me what, 1/7 billionth?  I think what it means is that today’s air conditioned and amplified church service led by professional church leaders is very expensive and everybody must chip in as best we can if we want to continue to witness the Sunday performance.  The blessing that comes is air conditioning and shiny floors and clean bathrooms, and depending on the denomination perhaps fancy computer projection screens in the sanctuary so that we won’t regret skipping a movie to attend church.  It seems to me if the Christian life is more about what God gives us than we give to him, then we have this totally backward.  How could our God need money?  He/She doesn’t.  This is a lie.

“If you pray, God will answer your prayers.  It may not be in the answer you want, but He/She will answer.”  I am so confused.  If I pray for the health of my friends, family and other assorted loved ones who are sick, and they die, that would not be the answer I want.  I do not think that is the answer God gave, but it sure looks like it.  If I pray that I win the lottery and I don’t, if I pray my football team wins, if I pray my daughter gets a promotion and none of those things happen, does that mean God is mean?  He/She could have so easily made me tall dark and handsome and rich, but he didn’t.  Why not?  He/She made some folks that way.   Or, is Joel a better name than Bob?  Am I less pleasing in His/Her eyes? What if He/She doesn’t answer at all?  What if I want a sunny day and I get a lunar eclipse, or half and half?  What if I am struggling with a test question and I ask God for help.  I do not get the answer whispered in my ear, but 3 hours later it hits me what the answer was?  Is that God answering my prayer?  Is this just a timing problem, and if so, why am I the one with the timing problem and not the creator of time?  It has been my experience that very, very few of my prayers have obvious, timely answers, some of my prayers are answered way down the road, and some of my prayers are simply ignored.  If God ignores any prayer we pray we cannot say all our prayers will be answered.  That is simply not true.

“God is watching you.  He/She is pleased when you do good things and disappointed when you do bad things.”  If that is true for every human on the planet then God must go through billions of mood swings every day.  I do good things, and often no one notices.  That’s ok, but if God saw it I would really like to hear a “Way to go, Bob!” booming from the heavens.  I get nothing in terms of external reward.  If I do something bad, or evil or illegal or immoral, I worry about getting caught, but if God is like a cop writing tickets, he at least ought to make me sign them so I know He/She knows.  It cannot be true that God is a cop.  It cannot be true that God is waiting to hand our stickers as rewards.  I am convinced this is an old wives’ tale told children to give them their first taste of living in a society with big brother always watching.  Even knowing that does not make me or anyone else a 100% good person.  Should a perfect God develop a perfect strategy?  Since it does not work, this must be a lie. 

That’s enough for now.  In hindsight, it occurs to me I heard more lies in church than I did in school.  Most of what I learned in school was either a fact or a way to process and understand facts.  Not so in church.  In church the lies came to me as though they were scripture ordained by God and not subject to question, or investigation or analysis.  As I realize I have been a fool in church to believe such things, my entire emotional and mental approach to church changes and my suspicion grows.  Am I still a fool?  What are the other lies that I cannot yet see?  Woe is me.  I feel like I did when I discovered there was no Santa Clause.  Have I been raised a fool and a sucker leaning on myths and lies?

That is a prayer I would love to have answered.

Apologizing for God

Assume for a moment that there is a God, an omnipotent, omniscient being who designed and created all that there is including humans.  If so, then we humans are to such God as an amoeba is to us.  Why then, do we need to apologize for so many of God’s actions? 

I ask this question because I can reason, I can think.  Why would a creator God give me such reasoning ability if the net result is either abandonment of the concept of God or a life time of apology?  

Why would we be so impressed with a God who is willing to sacrifice His son for the sins of everyone?  I would never consider such a heinous act with my own children?  Why would an all knowing being do such a thing if He really cares about His son in the same way we care for our children?  Any deity that would ask me to sacrifice my son is not a loving deity.  Why would He model such behavior?  Or, is the death of loved ones no big deal for such a God?

If God designed us he seems to either have an incredible mean streak or a bizarre sense of humor.  Why would those things we tend to love the most and want the most be so bad for us or others?  Food, sex, wealth, etc., are universally desired.  And yet we only remain healthy if we limit our own appetites.  If I ate all that I wanted whenever I wanted I would become obese and unhealthy.  If I had sex with everyone I desired I would be divorced and locked up.  If I make the accumulation of wealth and all the accoutrements of such my life's goal I would be a person without moral or scruple.  Why would He design us to be in the business of self-denial of what we want all the time?  That is just mean.  And for God’s sake, why is exercise so good for us?  I hate it.  If arriving in heaven is good thing, why did He program us with a will to live, even if we are miserable and hopeless? 

Why tell us that if we knock the door will be opened when most of us still stand outside with bleeding knuckles?  Prayer is not answered.  If it is, it is answered in a random, unpredictable way.  We pray deeply for some and they die, we pray deeply for others and their death is postponed.  If God can save anyone from death why doesn’t He?  Is that negligent homicide?

If God designed us and the universe, then why are 95% of the plants on planet earth toxic to us?  Why is almost 80% of planet earth uninhabitable to us?  Why can’t we breathe underwater or breathe in space or survive extreme cold and heat?  Seems so mean to place sentient beings in such an inhospitable environment.  Fish and one-celled organisms are more adapted to life on earth than we are.

If God is a loving and forgiving being, then why are we still being punished for Adam and Eve?  Why would His son have to die to forgive us?  Why not just forgive us? 

To continue to love and worship such a God I must forgive Him.  Forgive Him for a lot!  If so, who is the better being, the superior being? 

Or have we invented all this mythology based on what was our limited understanding of the universe and human behavior?  What we call the scripture was written by mostly illiterate, bronze-aged men.  If the knowledge and memories of all humans were erased would we develop language, social institutions, laws and art?  Yes.  Would we re-discover all math and all science?  Yes.  Would we “re-discover” God?  Not so sure.  Unless we observed burning bushes, walking on water, resurrections, etc., I do not think religion would be “discovered” in this century.  None of those miraculous events seem to happen anymore, if ever. 

So, shall I be a blind believer, or an apologist, or an atheist?  For now, I am praying for insight.

The Gospel Truth

It is hard for me as a preacher’s son to even estimate how many hours, how many years I spent in church, Sunday school, adult classes, summer church camps, etc., etc.  I learned wonderful stories: Adam and Eve, Joseph, Moses, Noah, the burning bush, the parting of the Rad Sea, Jacob, David, Solomon, the birth of Jesus, his early visit to the temple, John the Baptist, recruiting apostles, water to wine, walking on water, nets full of fish, fish and bread feeding 5,000, the death and the resurrection, etc., etc.  Wonderful stories.  Stories that enriched my faith.  Those stories were all there in the Bible.  My picture was that the Bible was really epistles of love, grace, forgiveness, acceptance, the omnipotence of God and the sacrifice of His Son to save us mere mortals.  All good things.  All great things.  All the gospel truth.

Seems I have only recently had to confront the other side; the dark side of the Bible.  Included in this new found knowledge is a host of discoveries that have rocked me deeply.

The earth was not made in 6 days but over millions and millions of years.  The earth is not flat.  Evolution is real and has never been disproved.  The historical evidence outside the Bible for Moses, Abraham and Jesus is sketchy at best.  There is no evidence that the Jews were ever slaves in Egypt.  There is no evidence that Caesar demanded a census at the time Jesus was born.  So what is going on?

The Bible was written by men, not God.  I do not think God dictated to men who wrote it all down.  Inspired, perhaps, but not dictated.  In fact, it was men who decided what would be included in the Bible.  Around 150 years after Christ the New Testament had pretty much come together, at the Council of Trent in 400 AD it appeared to be finalized, but the current version with 66 books was not finalized until the 1500’s.  In other words, at best, we have conflicting oral and written history of the New Testament that lasted for a 150 years, and at worst 1500 years.  In finalizing the 21 books of the New Testament over 3,000 books were considered.  Three thousand?  The Old Testament took shape around 600 years BC, but was not finalized until 200 BC.  For each testament that is a huge amount of time.  Not knowing exactly what was in the Bible took longer than the United States has even existed.

And there is stuff in the Bible that horrifies me.  Slavery is totally condoned in both the old and new testaments.  Jesus even advised both slave owners and slaves on how to support each other.  It is very clear that wives should submit to their husbands.  Yes, husbands have a duty to their wives as well, but the Bible says men are the boss.  Tell that to my wife.  In fact, the Bible supports polygamy.  A man could have as many wives as he wished.  Death by stoning was prescribed for a host of behaviors.  Adultery got you stoned.  A new bride who was not a virgin got her stoned.  Divorce could get you stoned.   Lust for another could get you stoned.  Worshipping other gods.  Working on the Sabbath.  Children who disobey parents.  Interacting with wizards and witches.  Being a homosexual.  And being critical of the king (somebody better tell Fox News).  All these behaviors could result in being stoned to death.  I do not support slavery, I do not support polygamy, and I do not support stoning to death.  In fact, the Old Testament is tougher on divorce than it is on homosexuals, and it says virtually nothing about abortion though many try to say so via the transitive property.  We surely do not hear the battle cry against divorce and for polygamy from the fundamentalists who are anti-homosexual and anti-abortion.  If those folks had credibility they should stand up for all of that.

It would be easy if we could just write off the Old Testament.  Let’s just say that Jesus brought a new covenant and all the old is swept away.  He did save the prostitute from stoning by telling the crowd that anyone who is without sin can throw a stone.  He did say he was here to fulfill the Old Testament prophecy.  But dad gum it, He also confirmed and endorsed the rules found in the Old Testament.  What are we do to with that?

If I outlined the same problems listed above with Muslims and the Quran, we would all say, “See, it is a bunch of mixed up, mythological hooey and cannot be the real, true religious belief."  If I cannot believe the Bible, in what is my faith grounded?  If the Bible has lied, misconstrued, and supported current illegal acts, how shall I support such Biblical statements?  If you lie to me once, all that you have said is now subject to doubt.  If the Bible is not the Gospel truth, then is it all mythology?  And if I cannot turn to the Bible to confirm that it is not a myth, then where shall I go?  Surely not to witches or wizards.

Easter Eve

From one-eyedbob.blospot.com on 4/19/2014

Despite the cantatas, the hymns, the sermons and prayers this is the time of year I reflect on my faith.  Do I really believe there is a God, a supreme being who created all things, knows all things and yet seems to step back and watch shit happen?  Do I really believe Jesus was the son of such a God?  Do I really believe he was perfect?  Do I really believe he was conceived by a holy spirit?  Do I really believe he rose from the dead and yet lives?  Or, is all of this pre-medieval superstition, the opiate of the people.  I was raised to believe, so it is difficult to reflect on this topic.  If I choose not to believe, then I dishonor my father who devoted his life to preaching this belief.  And yet, it all seems pretty bizarre.  I will keep all this to myself as I sit in services where sometimes I feel like a spy. 

OMG!

Ra, Isis, Brahma, Shiva, Odin, Loki, Thor, Zeus, Hera, Jupiter, Juno, the Trinity (Father, Son and Holy Ghost), and on and on.  Humans it appears have always worshiped deities, though from culture to culture these gods are distinctly different.  A complete list of all the gods humans have worshipped would include thousands of names.  Each of these gods explained early beginnings, explained natural events that were not understood, defined appropriate behavior, and seemed to work mischief of one sort or another.

It occurs to me that I am an atheist when it comes to 11 of the 12 listed here.  I do not believe those first 11 ever actually existed.  I think they are myths.  Were I to run into a Zeus worshiper today I would be amazed and shocked to discover that someone actually believes in and worships Zeus.  I think I might actually chuckle.  The same is true for the other 11 on this list, or any of the other thousands I did not list.  On the other hand, if I were visited by the personage of Zeus who asked me why I persecuted him I would be forced to rethink all I believe and know.It further occurs to me that when atheists talk to me they are amazed to discover I believe in any gods.  Atheists are just like me and the first 11 on my list, they believe all such gods do not exist and are myths. Atheists go one more than I do to include the Christian God.  That makes me pretty uncomfortable.

Worse, if I look at the god I was taught to worship in light of the other gods that are or have been out there, I see similarities.  My God created everything.  My God got mad and destroyed everything.  My God played games with some of his followers (poor Job).  My God is jealous of the other gods, and interestingly, He did not deny their existence but told us we were not to have any of those other gods before Him.  My God sometimes answers prayers, sometimes doesn’t.  He has a will that we do not understand.  He tends to always be portrayed as a male, but I think that is unreasonable and is a sign of the predominant culture at the time most books of the Bible were supposedly written.  (We believe the Holy Spirit is a male as he impregnated Mary and we know Jesus was a male, so it has always made more sense to me to think of God as God the Mother, not God the Father, but that is just me.  Jesus called Him our Father who art in heaven.  Am I the only one bothered by the fact that our trinity has no female representation?)  He promises love, forgiveness and grace but threatens to send us to eternal punishment if we do not behave.  That does not sound like love and forgiveness to me.  It sounds mean as hell.  Like all the other gods, He is invisible.  He is everywhere, but we cannot identify Him with any of our instruments.  He promises a heaven or a hell, and we cannot find out where those places are either.  We do not have the GPS coordinates for heaven or hell though we can even detect dark matter and dark energy millions of light years from earth.  If He is in another dimension then by the laws of quantum mechanics any contact with that dimension would end time.  

So, who is He and where is He?

Or, like every other god on this list is all of this simple mythology?  There is evidence outside the Bible to confirm the existence of Jesus as a man and the followers who believed in him, but those reports are all second hand, a.k.a. hearsay.  And the Bible was written by men, not God.  Even Moses and Abraham were probably fictitious characters made up just like we made up Paul Bunyan, the tooth fairy and Santa Claus.  There is no evidence that the Jews were ever captive slaves in Egypt, nor is there any record that a Caesar required a census to be taken around the time of Jesus’ birth.  Sadly, given all the errors and misleading’s in the Bible, it is the evidence from the sources that were hostile to Jesus that holds the most credence for me.  And none of those sources were eye-witnesses to the miracles or resurrection or ascension, etc.

I want there to be a god.  I would love knowing that there was a supernatural being who knows all things, is the great creator, worker of miracles and savior who can provide eternal life.  I want to believe that if I call on the Lord, He will hear my prayers.  If there is truth in that belief then I am very concerned that this god does not seem to answer prayer.  When he appears to, we give Him all the credit.  Even NFL players look skyward after touchdowns, though I find that blasphemous.  (If there is no god, is there blasphemy?) When He appears to ignore our pleas we simply say that is His will and we cannot fathom that will.  Really?  God wills such pain?  Why?  Where is the love and grace?  Where is the forgiveness?  Are we really more important to God than sparrows?  I want there to be burning bushes, columns of fire, storms ripping the veil in the temple, water into wine, the parting of seas or at least walking on them, a fish feeding hundreds and the blind made to see.  I can do without the 40 days and nights of rain and turning people into salt because they looked over their shoulder.  But I do not see any of these things.  A really cool and obvious miracle would be most helpful to all of us at this point.  Something on the order of at least The Day the Earth Stood Still or Independence Day.  A chariot in the sky would settle a lot of things.

Is the burden of proof on the atheists or on the believers?  I think it is on the believers.  Convince me of your god, show me he is real, and prove he exists.  There is no way to prove god does not exist as one cannot prove a negative.  (How could I prove I was not having an affair when I am not having an affair?  The burden of proof lies with the proclaimer.)  Do not tell me the earth is flat, the earth is the center of the solar system, the earth is 6,000 years old, or that evolution does not exist.  We know all that to be false.  Just show me he is real without quoting a book that is spurious at its best.  And I am deeply concerned about the sanity of those who believe the Bible is inerrant, is 100% truthful and accurate.  Really?  How much evidence do they need to see the error in that thinking?

It further occurs to me that if our history were delayed 2,000 years Jesus would have been captured in social media.  There would be cell phone pictures of shepherds in the field and angels in the sky, wise men would have arrived more timely and collected frequent flyer miles, miracles would have been recorded and analyzed, and the resurrection broadcast worldwide on Instagram and YouTube.  He came at just the right time before any of our technology was capable of recording the event.  He came to a group of illiterate Bronze Age men and women.  Hence, it is all a matter of belief and faith, word of mouth, the Pope declared what books were divinely inspired in 382, almost 400 years after Jesus, and then a group of men at the Council of Trent in the 1500’s who decided what goes in the Bible and what does not.  That is 1,500 years after the supposed date of the birth of Jesus.  Incredible.    

As more and more deaths are attributed to religious conflict on this planet one wonders what the hell is going on.  Are the gods fighting?  If so, my faith falters and my belief wobbles.  If there are not gods then why do we commit such atrocities in the name of faith?  Why do both Christians and Muslims want a theocratic state that supports their beliefs?  Why do so many belief systems anticipate the end of humanity in a way that is almost celebratory?  Even if humans disappear in a rapture, are we so arrogant as to believe the universe will cease to exist when humans are extinct?  I do not understand.  One cannot say that my lack of understanding of all this is proof that God must exist.  That only He has a master plan and understands all things and knows all things.  If that were true we should all be subservient to such a god and seek nothing, seek to understand nothing, and accomplish nothing.  We should simply remain in the Bronze Age.

All of this yields a great fear, a great uneasiness in my guts.  I grow more and more uncomfortable reciting the Apostle’s Creed and participating in the sacraments.  Have I been worshipping myths?  OMG!