Humans appear to be hard-wired to seek truth through reason
and to seek truth through faith. We have
a dilemma. We have a dichotomy. We are at risk of a short circuit. I am now the product of such a short circuit. Not before 2015, but since March of 2015 two
wires in my brain that should never have touched did so. A short circuit. I applied reason to faith and fried my brain.
My Dad was a preacher and I grew up in the church, that is,
the Presbyterian version of Christianity.
I was “born again” in 7th grade at a Billy Graham promo in
the Houston Astrodome. I attended church
camp. I actually became the director of
a church camp. I have been a church
trustee, taught Sunday school, sang in the choir, assisted in communion and
never missed a Sunday. I prayed. I believed.
I had faith. Unquestioned,
unchallenged faith. The Trinity, the
virgin birth, the resurrection, yadda, yadda, yadda. I was seen as a man of faith.
On March 24, 2015, Germanwings flight 9525 took off from Barcelona
at 10:00 p.m. bound for Germany. 150
people, passengers and crew, were aboard.
Men, women, children, infants, students, and teachers. At 10:27 p.m. the Airbus reached cruising
altitude of 38,000 feet and the pilot left the cockpit to go to the
bathroom. The co-pilot sealed the
cockpit. After 9/11 that meant it would
be virtually impossible to breach the door.
The co-pilot altered the autopilot so that the plane sought sea level
at full speed. It would take 10 minutes
for the plane heading straight down to crash in the French Alps. Despite pleading with the co-pilot and
efforts to breach the door, everyone on board knew what was happening and what
the result would be. They would all
die. In 10 minutes. The plane disintegrated on impact, the
largest piece of wreckage was the size of a small car. Everyone died. And I had a short circuit.
I can only imagine what happened during those 10 minutes on
that plane. I am confident, however,
that there were fervent, impassioned prayers beseeching God to save the
passengers and crew. God did
nothing. The plane crashed. All died.
What the hell?
So, from a deity who could create the universe, part seas,
flood the entire planet, raise folks from the dead, turn water into wine, heal
the sick, walk on water, etc., etc. it was simply too much to ask that this God
unlock the cockpit door? My mind
reeled. My stock answer in such
situations had always been it was God’s plan, we are not to question, and there
was a purpose we did not know. It
occurred to me that this belief was likely totally BS and was imply a strategy
to forgive God. How could the death of
these 150 people advance a love in God or other humans? It made no sense. Reason had no answer. How could I attribute such horror to a plan I
had not seen, not read, was not available to me, but a plan I must believe to
let a god off the hook for tragedy? If
God had the ability to save those people and did not then God was clearly
guilty of negligent homicide.
My short circuit got worse.
I read the Bible. Not the chapter
and verses selected for me in sermons and Sunday school, but I read it as a
book much as I had read Locke, Descartes, Plato, etc. And my faith faltered even more. Most of what I read was either Bronze Age philosophy
or simply not true. The book is riddled
with inconsistencies and falsehoods.
This was no divinely inspired holy book, this was more human bull. Totally discouraged I turned to Sam Harris, Christopher
Hitchens, and Richard Dawkins. Wow. These folks made great sense. They applied reason to faith and reason
won. Every time. They had survived the short circuit.
As I continued to apply reason to faith several truths
became more and more clear. Faith exists
prior to a real factual answer. People
of faith, faith in whatever, do not want to discuss their faith in the light of
reason. People want to enjoy the fruits
of reason and science while simultaneously having faith that denies reason and
science. In other words, most people are
afraid of the short circuit when the power of reason touches the tenets of
belief.
I could no longer attend church. I could not repeat the Apostles Creed. I could not participate in the sacraments,
especially communion which now seemed like a cannibalistic exercise. (This is my body, this is my blood? Yuck.)
I could no longer believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus. Either Jesus committed suicide or God killed
his son. And was anyone ever in heaven
before Jesus? If so, why let Jesus die?
More troubling is there is no evidence Jesus ever
existed. There was no Roman Census the
year he was supposedly born. Herod died
6 years before Jesus was born. And on
and on. The Bible was not codified until
400 years after Jesus' death and we do not have any of the original
scrolls. They are all copies of copies,
each iteration slightly different.
There is more, much more.
I now know I do not believe. My
faith vanished, slowly and painfully, in the full light of reason. I am a recovering Christian. A survivor of the deep burn that comes with
the short circuit when reason touches faith.
For many, that deep burn is too risky.
I see it now in politics and religion.
I do believe that our survival, our future on this planet will only
happen via reason. Faith won’t get us
there, beliefs won’t get us there. What
happens to religious beliefs when we become extinct?
And the short circuit still burns. Hot. Especially
this time of year.
Happy Holidays.
