Religion and Relationships

Gavin was not sure what to think of all this, so he sat quietly and listened intently.  He was on the back row, and he could not see what was going on down front.  His long legs had room, but not enough room to stretch all the way out because the row in front of him was pretty close, not as close, mind you, as a movie seat or an airline seat, but close.  In movies and airlines his knees hit structures in front of him, but not in this seat.

And this seat was really more like a bench, not a seat.  It was made of wood with a straight back and a red cushion to sit on.  Gavin found that funny.  Butts were cushioned, backs were not.  He figured it was some kind of subtle cultural message.  “Get off your butts and put your back into it.”  No, my butt is the only thing comfortable in this furniture, he thought.  He wondered why this bench was called a peeyou.  That was the expression used when something really smelled badly but he had yet to detect any truly repulsive or pungent odors that would merit that rubric.  He assumed it was but another strange cultural artifact and began to long to leave so that he could return to the 21st Century. 

But Gavin was in love with Nancy and he had traveled to her home this weekend to meet her family.  If that was not frightening enough they insisted that he go to this auditorium with them where sacred rituals were performed, incantations were offered, songs were sung, and occasionally infants would scream as someone dropped cold water on them three times.  Gavin had no such experience with any of these matters and though he had seen similar structures in every town he had ever lived, he had not once set foot inside.  He was afraid to.  What kinds of people would spend millions of dollars on a structure they only occupied for a couple of hours one day a week?  But, he had promised her he would go at least once, so here he was in his best blue slacks, black shoes shined, starched white shirt and solid maroon tie tied in a Windsor knot as his dad had taught him, sitting on the butt-cushioned, back-torture-rack of the very last peeyou of the local church on a spring morning. 

Looking toward the stained glass windows he could see dust mites dancing in the sun and felt some jealousy.  They were free.  He was not.  He was stuck with Nancy to his left and her mother to his right.  Wedged.  Trapped.  He pushed his long black hair back and out of his eyes and Nancy reached over and gave his tie a little tug as though the knot needed attention.  The knot did not need attention.  It was purely a gesture to inform the folks sitting around them that she possessed him and they should leave him alone.  He only minded half that message.

All the benches were arranged facing the front of this auditorium that he guessed could seat about 500 humans comfortably.  It was similar in size to some lecture halls at the university, but those rooms had individual seats with better back support, little tables tops that could be rolled up in place to doodle on, and the hall was sloped so that those on the back row could see without obstruction.  This auditorium had no such slope and he had to shift to the left, then shift to the right to avoid staring at the back of the heads in front of him rather than what was happening on the little stage down front.  He had been sitting like this for 10 minutes and nothing had happened, though he could hear a musical instrument playing elevator music softly in the background.  Was that an organ?  Did they exist outside merry-go-rounds and ballparks?  He was not sure, but if it was an organ it was the most demur, depressing, somber sounds he had ever heard.  And then the music stopped.

A man, at least he appeared to be man, entered from stage right and walked to the center of the elevated space down front.  His costume was amazing.  He wore a long green robe and over that he wore a long flowing white robe, just short enough at hem and arm to reveal the underlying green robe.  He had gold jewelry around his neck that Gavin could not quite make out though it flashed in the sun like a gold spoon one might use to fish.  Around his neck was some kind of material.  It was not a scarf because it was too narrow, and it was not a tie because it was too wide.  He did not know what it was or why a grown man would stand in front of a bunch of people wearing what looked like dresses on a warm spring day.  The low murmur of many voices in the auditorium suddenly hushed and all eyes were on the man down front.  He did not say a word, but his control over this large group was astounding. He simply raised both his arms, the organ started to play and everybody stood up.  It was incredible.  But the show was just starting.

To Gavin’s right and left through the exit doors, a line of people marched in singing.  Gavin was sure they were all members of the KKK in their white robes and they sang a song he had never heard, all of them signing at the top of their voices to be heard over the now loud organ.  His true love and her mother and everyone else started singing too.  They grabbed little blue books from a rack in front of them, turned to a page where there were notes and lyrics.  Nancy held one side of the book and it was clear she wanted him to hold the other side.  He did.  Nancy pointed to a place on the page that matched the notes and lyrics that were being sung, but to read either the notes or the lyrics meant taking his eyes off the progressing Klansmen who were clearly headed to the front of the auditorium.  Gavin was worried that they meant to harm the cross-dressing man down front so he wanted to be ready to help if need be.  He had no tolerance for the KKK and knew they had no tolerance for cross-dressing people even though they too wore dresses.

As the two lines of singing Klansman arrived down front, they climbed the three steps up to the stage toward the man in green and white, and then they split again, each line of singers going to the far right or the far left.  They climbed steps Gavin could not see and turned to walk toward each other in the middle of the back of the stage.  Gavin realized these were not adversarial interlopers, they were part of the cast and he relaxed.  Somehow there was enough peeyous at the back of the stage to seat all the white-robed actors.  Gavin had been to many graduations in his life, and this was the most organized, smoothly executed procession he had ever seen.  The timing was almost perfect as the group sang the last verse, the organ stopped playing and everyone sat down except the man in the green and white gown down front.

That man proceeded to welcome everyone and praised the weather and thanked some god for the sunshine.  Gavin was confused because the sun was shining in all directions all the time and for right now it was gravity and physics that brought this town into the suns’ rays.  Further, they could only see it because a high-pressure front had moved through and pushed out the clouds.  Gavin was thinking about all this when Nancy elbowed him.  He had clearly missed something.  The man down front had asked if there were any visitors in the congregation, a term for an audience that meant they had congealed around something.  Nancy expected Gavin to raise his hand as he saw a few other mortified folks doing.  Gavin limply raised his arm and a suited man in the nearest aisle hustled toward him, gave him an index card to fill out with a little red ribbon to stick on his shirt.  He loathed to do either and just wanted to sit down and observe.  He surely did not want to participate in this play and Gavin would wager that most of the folks there were there to simply watch as well.  Nancy filled out the card for him and stuck the ribbon on his shirt.  The scarlet ribbon.   He felt branded.  How did they know he had consummated his relationship with Nancy?

The play moved on and another sung was sung.  Gavin got in on the ground floor of this one and followed the notes and lyrics without a flaw, due mainly to the fact that there were not robed actors walking up and down the aisle.  The lyrics started off OK but headed to bizarre land very quickly.  “I come to the garden alone while the dew is still on the roses.”  That’s nice.  Gavin could picture such.  “And the voice I hear falling on my ear,” What?  I thought this person said they were alone?  “The Son of God discloses.”  Oh my.  The author is hallucinating or at least having some sort of delusion.  How could this group of nice people reinforce such a mental health tragedy?  It got worse.  “And he walks with me and He talks with me.”  Oh my goodness.  We have gone from an auditory hallucination to a full-blown delusionary event involving a make-believe man!  “And He tells me I am His own,” This is too much.  To suggest that some make-believe male claims ownership of a human being is outrageous.  Slavery was abolished years ago!  “And the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known.”  Holy cow.  Joy with a make-believe slave master?  Who is Joy and does she agree?  What kind of strange cult is this?  And if no one else has ever known this feeling shouldn’t that be a clue to the author that this entire episode is a delusion?  And yet, the folks in the auditorium were singing these words with heartfelt endorsement.  Gavin was scared to death.  If everyone here had similar delusions he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Should anyone ever talk to him when he was alone in a garden he would check himself into the nearest psych ward.  If they walked with him and talked to him it was probably too late and he would spend the rest of his life in a straitjacket.

Gavin’s hands were shaking.  How could Nancy look at him and smile?  How could she invite him into this madness with crossdressing dictators and KKK singers?  How could she set him up as a new target for the propaganda of their cult by sticking a scarlet ribbon on his shirt?  Did loving Nancy mean he had to subscribe to what was clearly fantasy?

It got much worse.  The group stood to repeat from memory the key elements of their belief system, none of which had any foundation in logic, or science, or mental health.  They believed in ghosts.  They believed ghosts could impregnate women.  They believed virgins could become pregnant via this insanity, they believed someone died and came alive again three days later.  On and on.  It was like a convention of the world’s most bizarre authors and he fully expected to see Stephen King and Dean Koontz in the audience. After the litany of the fantastic, the green/white crossdresser went to a podium to tell the people who had congealed what they should believe and what they should do.  Gavin could not take anymore. 

It broke his heart.  He peeled off the red ribbon and handed it to Nancy, kissed her hand and said, “I’m sorry.  This is all just too much.”

He walked out of the church, back to Nancy’s house, packed his bags, and hopped in his car to drive home.  He shuddered all the way when he thought about the fact that the woman he loved actually believed all that stuff and wanted him to believe it too.  Thank goodness he figured it out before there were legal entanglements.

And every church he passed on the way home, with parking lots full of cars, began to scare him even more.  How could so many people go along with this? 

Religion.  Religion takes its toll on one more human relationship.  Gavin would never speak to Nancy again despite her efforts.  Too scary.  He cared for her too much and she might suck him in.  He could not let that happen.

Religion and relationships.  Tough.