Lies I Heard in Church

I grew up in the church.  I was a preacher’s kid.  If the doors were open, I was there.  Seemed like I was there all day Sunday and all night on Wednesday.  I was often there on Saturday’s too, which I thought of as my sacred day, but was frequently booked for me by church activities.  I know church better than I know the Bible.  I know what American Christians tend to say to each other in challenging times.  And I have learned sadly that a bunch of what I heard from my Christian brethren was a bunch of bunk. 

“God will never put on you more than you can bear.”  Really?  Is that true?  Is that Biblical?  It surely is churchical.  Does it mean if I can stand it no more, if I break, that I am going to hell?  Does it mean that since you have never been there you are closer to God than I am so he can load you up with more than me?  Is this like a dump truck contest?  I do not want to win the prize for carrying the most stuff.

I have been broken.  I have been brought low.  I have fallen to my knees and given up.  I have attempted to take my own life.  God gave me way more than I could handle and it really pissed me off.  There are 44,000+ suicides each year and the 14 million + Americans who experience major depressive disorder each year.  Do not tell the walking dead and the already dead they will not be asked to carry more than they can.  It is a lie.  I know it and Robin Williams knows it is a lie.

“God will not allow you to be tempted more than you can bear.”  Really?  I know this one may be more Biblical than churchical, but, if true, then why tempt us at all if we will always resist.  Well, I know that is not true because I have given in to temptations.  So, was God not with me?  Or is this another lie.  Some of my very favorite memories are from the temptations to which I succumbed.  I’d hate to lose those memories, much worse, I’d hate to not have the opportunity to make new memories.  If we swap guilt for pleasure, what do we have if there is no guilt?

“When it looks like you walk alone God is carrying you.  See the footprints in the sand?”  Really?  Then why are my legs too weak to move?  Why is rest beyond my reach?  Did God drop me?  At those times I was most down I never felt a healing, refreshing, renewing power lift me up.  Perhaps I am going to hell, or perhaps you are closer to God than I am.  But I have called out and all I heard in return were echoes.  This too must be a lie.  I think of all the people who were Christian and who have died in a natural disaster and I wonder if God was carrying them.  If so, let me go and I will just run.

“You can be happy if you just find God’s plan for you.”  OK, is this a memo I missed somewhere?  Is it written down?  Does someone else know and they are playing I’ve got a secret?  What the heck does God’s plan look like?  Is it prescribed by age range?  (Do this until you are 30, do this until you are 50, and then do this until you die.)  I keep looking for a plan, but it appears to me all I really need to do is develop my own plan and share that with God.  I’m tired of waiting.  This must be a lie.

“If I tithe I will be blessed by God.”  Right.  Is this solid investment advice?  Are we talking financial reward from God or what?  I give him 10% of my wealth and he gives me what, 1/7 billionth?  I think what it means is that today’s air conditioned and amplified church service led by professional church leaders is very expensive and everybody must chip in as best we can if we want to continue to witness the Sunday performance.  The blessing that comes is air conditioning and shiny floors and clean bathrooms, and depending on the denomination perhaps fancy computer projection screens in the sanctuary so that we won’t regret skipping a movie to attend church.  It seems to me if the Christian life is more about what God gives us than we give to him, then we have this totally backward.  How could our God need money?  He/She doesn’t.  This is a lie.

“If you pray, God will answer your prayers.  It may not be in the answer you want, but He/She will answer.”  I am so confused.  If I pray for the health of my friends, family and other assorted loved ones who are sick, and they die, that would not be the answer I want.  I do not think that is the answer God gave, but it sure looks like it.  If I pray that I win the lottery and I don’t, if I pray my football team wins, if I pray my daughter gets a promotion and none of those things happen, does that mean God is mean?  He/She could have so easily made me tall dark and handsome and rich, but he didn’t.  Why not?  He/She made some folks that way.   Or, is Joel a better name than Bob?  Am I less pleasing in His/Her eyes? What if He/She doesn’t answer at all?  What if I want a sunny day and I get a lunar eclipse, or half and half?  What if I am struggling with a test question and I ask God for help.  I do not get the answer whispered in my ear, but 3 hours later it hits me what the answer was?  Is that God answering my prayer?  Is this just a timing problem, and if so, why am I the one with the timing problem and not the creator of time?  It has been my experience that very, very few of my prayers have obvious, timely answers, some of my prayers are answered way down the road, and some of my prayers are simply ignored.  If God ignores any prayer we pray we cannot say all our prayers will be answered.  That is simply not true.

“God is watching you.  He/She is pleased when you do good things and disappointed when you do bad things.”  If that is true for every human on the planet then God must go through billions of mood swings every day.  I do good things, and often no one notices.  That’s ok, but if God saw it I would really like to hear a “Way to go, Bob!” booming from the heavens.  I get nothing in terms of external reward.  If I do something bad, or evil or illegal or immoral, I worry about getting caught, but if God is like a cop writing tickets, he at least ought to make me sign them so I know He/She knows.  It cannot be true that God is a cop.  It cannot be true that God is waiting to hand our stickers as rewards.  I am convinced this is an old wives’ tale told children to give them their first taste of living in a society with big brother always watching.  Even knowing that does not make me or anyone else a 100% good person.  Should a perfect God develop a perfect strategy?  Since it does not work, this must be a lie. 

That’s enough for now.  In hindsight, it occurs to me I heard more lies in church than I did in school.  Most of what I learned in school was either a fact or a way to process and understand facts.  Not so in church.  In church the lies came to me as though they were scripture ordained by God and not subject to question, or investigation or analysis.  As I realize I have been a fool in church to believe such things, my entire emotional and mental approach to church changes and my suspicion grows.  Am I still a fool?  What are the other lies that I cannot yet see?  Woe is me.  I feel like I did when I discovered there was no Santa Clause.  Have I been raised a fool and a sucker leaning on myths and lies?

That is a prayer I would love to have answered.