I feel the need to apologize to everyone I know and
interacted with while I considered myself a Christian. I was arrogant. I had no patience for conservative Christians
who supported military over human needs, I had no patience for believers of
other religions, and atheists just amused me.
I said public prayers. I gave a
lot of money to the church. I raised my
kids in the church. I was present for
thousands of sermons, thousands of Sunday school lessons, hundreds of Sunday
and/or Wednesday night services, lots and lots of choir rehearsals, tons of
time serving on church committees, and hunks of time attending community
services around Thanksgiving, Christmas, Good Friday and Easter. I was a member of several “Prayer Warrior”
groups quick to respond when the need arose for prayers. I acted as lay leader reading scriptures in
church. I helped with communion
services. And I do not think I ever
missed a covered dish lunch or supper. Man,
was I a Christian or what?
I was arrogant wrapped in the shroud of my belief. I knew, really knew I was saved, my prayers
were answered, and I made excuses for God when they weren’t answered. I knew humble Christians, but I was not one
of them. Because I had a life-line to a
supernatural being I figured I must be a super human being. Blessed.
If I am blessed, and if God is on my side, then who the hell are you to
assume a position different than my own?
I must be right. I knew I was
right even when I argued with other so-called Christians.
But no. I was
wrong. And that has been a truly
humbling experience. Admitting I was
wrong, admitting that all I believed was folly and superstition, and admitting
that I thought somehow that I was superior because I was a believer is deeply
shaming. I am sorry. I really am.
Now that I see I was communicating with imaginary friends in
the hopes of going to Never-Never Land I have been set free. I can be a good person because I choose to
be, not because I am fearful of some eternal punishment. I can be open to discussing the scientific
vanguard. I can be open in interacting
with others who are on the same path. I
am not defensive, I am not arrogant any more.
If you have facts you want me to consider I will consider them. Please do not be offended if I point out that
your facts are beliefs. If Zeus appears
to me on the road to Houston and asks why I am persecuting him, I will likely recant,
but I know that will not happen.
What is obvious to me now is the arrogance of other
believers. Those who believe they know,
who believe they are in contact with a supernatural being, who believe the
Bible, and if not literally, they exempt from belief those passages proven
wrong by science. (Of course, if one can
exempt any passage from belief, why not exempt them all?) I laugh when they say they will pray for me
because I know that is like saying they will sprinkle fairy dust on a graven
image to make me immortal. Those
believers who firmly think God chose Trump, God supports adultery, sexual
predators, bigots, misogynists, liars, and greed-driven people are not only
arrogant, they are steeped in foolishness, stupidity and hypocrisy of the highest
order. I now fluctuate between laughter
and tears at their positions. And yet to
challenge them reaps the same wrath as though they speak for God.
Science will win.
Math will win. Biology will
win. Chemistry will win. Archeology will win. Psychology will win. Believers will lose in this debate because they
have no facts. Yes, I know arrogant
atheists, or if not arrogant, patronizing.
But as humans we are capable of logic and questioning, and facts will ultimately
win the day. In that I can admit I do
not know all the facts but am eager to learn more. And that is humbling. And if nothing else sets me apart now, it is
that I am willing to learn more. Not true
of the blind, arrogant believer who already knows all he or she ever wants to
know. For them I feel sadness and pity
as they deny their capacity for learning, cooked in the juice of their own arrogance.
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